Song of Songs 3:1-5
It seems there is a lot more in a reflection than one might think. A long time ago I was at a random McDonalds in KY ordering lunch when one of the employees saw a strange reflection in me and guessed that I was a Stalnaker. She told me her ex-boyfriend of twenty years prior was a Stalnaker and we had the same nose. Genetics reflections never are exactly the same, but reflections of the past very much still show up in the present. Our passage today tells of a dream, but dreams are never just dreams – they, just like genetics, often reflect something deeper. The woman in Songs has some intense feelings for her man. Passion is an incredible gift, but is best seen in its reflection.
Physical Desire Reflects Spiritual Desire
This passage is clearly talking about physical desire. Just look at v4 – she finds him and where does she take him? The bedroom. She wants physical connection with her man, and that poses an interesting question: why are passages like this is in scripture? Human relationships have been a metaphor for spiritual connection with God since the beginning. Consider the first family, Adam & Eve, in Gen 2. They were naked and unashamed. We can clearly see the human desire side of this with Adam’s response to Eve’s creation and understand that their relationship—prior to the first sin—was healthy and physical. Naked and unashamed meant exactly that. Sex is part of the design by God. This desire does not come from sin, but from creation. But it’s not all just about that either. It points to something more. Our desire for connection, partnership, and union all point to something else. Human relationships, marriage in particular, is a reflection of the character of God and His desire for relationship with each of us. The phrase naked and unashamed refers to the human relationship, but it also refers to their spiritual relationship. Their sinless state before God was naked and unashamed. Of course this is in a spiritual sense; before God they were innocent, sinless, vulnerable and completely secure, with nothing to fear in any way.
The physical reflects the spiritual. We see this in the character of God and the Trinity itself, with marriage being the strongest illustration to describe how the Trinity relates to one another. “The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit live in a permanent, plural, equal, complementary, ordered, and loving union. And since we’re created like God, we thrive in marriage relationships that mirror his trinitarian union.” God is permanent, therefore marriages are designed to last forever. God is triune, thus marriages are designed to give people connection. God is equal among the Trinity, therefore husbands and wives are equal in their dignity and value. God is diverse and complementary, therefore marriage is designed to be complementary with a man and a woman. And the Trinity is ordered with willing submission and loving authority, therefore all human relationships (including marriage) are designed to include authority and submission without superiority or inferiority. (The Gospel Coalition) In other words, a healthy marriage reflects a healthy spiritual relationship with God. We’re not always healthy though.
Physical Desire Can Be Abused
Sometimes, we give our desires too much focus and they start to invade our thoughts in other areas; for example, our dreams. “On my bed by night, I sought him.” We see a very similar dream in ch5, but in that dream, she does not find him and ends up being beaten by the guards. Repetitive dreams with increasing intensity and trouble should warn us that we might be moving past desire and into obsession. This can be a hold on people. Desire is a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it is dangerous because of how easily it can become an all-encompassing obsession. The native people of the arctic use this to their hunting advantage. When hunting a wolf, they take a knife soaked in blood and leave it upright in the snow. The wolf finds it and licks the blood off. Driven by desire, the wolf never realizes that it’s traded the blood on the kinfe for its own and ends up bleeding out because it can’t stop. The blood tastes great and soon they have no idea they are sealing their own fate. Foster accountability in your life and work hard against letting lust take control so that you don’t end up destroyed by it. Maybe that’s why these desires aren’t for the little ones. To a mature adult, it’s difficult to keep our libidos under control. It is simply too strong of a temptation to seek to bring it on yourself. When it happens in a healthy way, great – but don’t push for it.
Next Steps
Passionate desire is a consuming thing. Instead of trying to keep it under your own control, reset its focus onto the spiritual instead of the physical. Focus on Christ and wait on Him to give you a healthy way to reflect your relationship with God.
- Prioritize the One who never abandons you. Find your connection and comfort in Christ FIRST, before seeking attention from another person.
- Accept passion when it is (rightfully) offered to you, but don’t let yourself be driven by it. Seek accountability to keep on the right track.
- Don’t be satisfied with good enough, but work for and find the BEST in life and in partnerships. Work at them and trim them so they grow.
Healthy intimacy should draw you towards God in healthy spirituality. Do you find that, or do you find yourself hiding from God?
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