Ephesians 5:22-33
I once heard an illustration of what it truly meant to live in Seattle: it’s like living in a grocery store’s produce section and getting spritzed by the water every 15 minutes. This is a spot-on perfect illustration. By connecting to that experience, we can understand pretty clearly what it’s like to live in the Emerald city. God uses a really spot-on illustration to explain how we are to work spiritually with Christ in the building of His Kingdom. That illustration He uses is marriage. This one is a bit more challenging for us, though, because we don’t lean into or understand His view of marriage; we tend to look at it our own way.
That’s because we’re broken people who fall into the crazy cycle. We discussed the only way to break it is to lean into your true identity in Christ: be the person who God created and redeemed you to be. Today, we are going to look into how our gendered differences in Christ create a complimentary arrangement that glorifies God and models His example. It’s our differences that make us fit together so well. But that only works if we are being the people we need to be.
Submission Isn’t Subordination
Wives are called to submit to their husbands. Note that does NOT say women are to submit to men. Marital submission means trusting and following the leadership of the sacrificial servant. By trusting the work being done on their behalf, the one in the submission role goes along on the journey, and while they share wisdom and council, they walk the path given by the leader. This is how respect is given and shown, by providing balance and challenging thought, but following the path given. This is not a subordinate role, as the follower (submission role) brings equal and different value to the partnership and is the one designed to be doing the work of family growth. Remember too, that Paul just said in v21 we are all to submit to each other out of reverence for Christ. As members of the bride of Christ, we are all to treat each other with respect and seek to honor and follow Him in all interactions.
A wife is equal in value to her husband, but her role is different. Biologically she is the life-bringer; literally—through birth. The husband’s teammate, a wife is a corresponding and equal partner. While the husband sacrifices to lift her up (toil and work, providing for home), she willingly walks the path given, building and bringing life and family with her. The wife does what the husband is unable to do. The roles are distinct but unified in identity and purpose. Two come together and become one, which makes a complete whole. This is seen spiritually (Paul is talking about the church in this passage) with the church following the sacrifice of Christ and building/bringing the family towards Him. With Christ, submission is not subordination, and in a healthy marriage the same holds true.
Leadership Isn’t Power
Chuck Feeney, founded Duty Free Shoppers and amassed a wealth of over $8B, yet he lived as a poor man and gave away almost all of his wealth to charity (Wikipedia.org). He used his life and leadership to serve other people. Men, in the same way, are called to exercise the role of Christ in their marriages. That means sacrifice. The role of Christ as the head (leadership) of the church is a sacrificial role—NOT a power role—designed to lift the wife up for their betterment through work; forging a path through life for the family. It’s not about husbands getting their way, but about serving their wives. Leadership is sacrifice, not power. Jesus defined leadership as serving others and demonstrated this through his words and actions. His greatest act of leadership was the cross. Through the cross, He gave up of Himself to raise up the church, providing the way of forgiveness and to allow His people to be presented back to Himself as holy and blameless. He literally made the road to follow. Leadership is self-sacrifice for the betterment of others. The purpose of authority is to lift up others; make a way for them to follow. Christ provided the way of salvation (husband), and the church brings people with her to glory (wife). A complete team; whole and unified.
Next Steps
Men and women are different. Our roles are different, and as such, we’ve been created to need different things; or maybe different amounts of things. Men, overall, are not looking for affection, but for admiration (respect). There are few things better to a man than to be able to feel like he is the hero, the knight in shining armor, or the winner. Women, on the other hand, are looking for affection and attention. They spend their time nurturing and loving others and need that from their husbands. Neither of these are inherently bad (though they can become unhealthy if we take them too far) but are the things we were made to desire. Our genders are different so that we can be a complete and whole team that together glorifies God. Women, lift up your leader, and men, lead to benefit others and not yourself while pouring out affection on them.
- Confess and repent any misuse of your role for personal gain.
- Practice Love & Respect with spouse to break the crazy cycle. (Amazon.com)
- Focus on your role as a member of the Church by working together in mutual submission.
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